The Wrong Stuff: The Greatest Poser I Ever Saw

[Sandrat]

Author's Note: All comments from former Counselors who remember this situation are invited. This was a classic example of an adult who so firmly believed they had "The Right Stuff" that they lied and lied and lied about it.

His name (changed to protect the guilty as usual) was John. He attended an adult camp during the summer of 1996 from someplace in California. He arrived like most other adults, sort of humble, sort of excited, until it came out from his luggage.

The Black Flight Suit. Oh yes, I say it was so fellow campers. Black. They only wear that stuff in the movies.

John proceeds to tell everyone he is a former Navy pilot, having flown the F-18 for "hundreds" of hours. He climbs into the old Mach II sims in the original trailer behind the Mach III bubble and proceeds to attempt carrier landing after carrier landing. He's not very successful. But it wasn't his fault...the controls were too touchy. There were no rudder pedals, blah blah blah. This goes on for an hour.

He proceeds to then go "fangs out" on Fidget, Knight 8 who is flying one of the sims. Fidget wastes him in rather short order. The bitching continues. You can't shoot me down, blah blah blah. You're a girl, you can't fly...blah blah blah.

Fidget leaves the sim room laughing. For the record, I don't think anyone flew more hours in the original Mach II sims than Fidget.

So John starts talking to the M3 manager. Me. He tells me about his vast Naval Aviation experience. This is my recollection of the conversation...

Me: "So when did you get out of the Navy?"

John: "About eighteen months ago."

Me: "So did you get your commission through the Naval Academy or through ROTC?"

John: "Uh, ROTC."

Me (<--ROTC Graduate and Army 1LT at this time): Cool! Where did you go to school.

John: "Um, I went to USC for a year."

WARNING FLAGS START FLYING

Me: "How long were you in the Navy?"

John: "Six years."

Doing the math in my head, four years for a commission would have been normal. Maybe he went to OCS? Six years in the Navy, he would have been about 31-32 years old. So I asked the inevitable question.

Me: "How old are you?"

John: "23"

Needless to say, the math now simply doesn't add up. You can't be an officer until you are 21 (even through OCS).

Me: "And you flew F-18s without a college degree, which is a requirement for holding an officer's commission."

John: "Yeah."

Me: "No way. Especially the fact that by your own math, you'd have enlisted at 17 which again takes you out of consideration for being an officer, and there's no way you'd have been 18 or 19 at the earliest flying an F-18 and logging "hundreds" of hours.

John (fishes out a cigarette from his shoulder pocket) : What's your (expletive) problem, man. You don't believe me?

I remove my ID card as a 1LT and show him. "No I don't"

John: "Whatever."


Well, poor John had a miserable weekend at AC. Word spread like wildfire about him, especially after humorous run-ins with Spanky and Joker to name a few.

John made the Huntsville Times newspaper, who bought his phony I was a pilot story and led their article about AC with a blurb about him.

Flying in an adult mission, John proceeds to start cursing over the open microphone about the "Black Knights."

All I remember about the fight, I was flying as Gordo's WSO for one of the engagements, was something like this:

Grunt: "Roundtable, Knight 2. Permission to engage 201, over."

RT: "Knights, Roundtable, clear to engage."

Gordo: "Two, this is One-Three, have you covered, slightly below and right."

Grunt: "Roger that." Moves to guns position, 0.5 miles behind and directly astern of 204 (flown my John..."Maverick the Poser".... "Roundtable, Knight 2, Alpha Whiskey, over."

RT: "Alpha Whiskey."

Grunt: "Knight 2 guns, guns, guns.....Splash One. Splash one."

RT: "Roger Two...good hunting.."

At this point I'm in the back of 203, one of the old F-4 cockpits and wearing full flight gear (including helmet) and I HEAR John throw open the canopy and start screaming. I hear the door slam on the bubble....and then I hear this...

"Knights, Roundtable. Umm, I think Maverick has left the building, over."

We all cracked up. What made the whole thing funnier was that the great Huntsville Times interview with the poser happened immediately following that incident as John was smoking outside the bubble.

[Space Nerd]

Man! You're just full of stories. That was a good one...

[Sandrat]

Well, stories tend to accumulate after five or six years. We could probably go on and on about some of the things that happened there at AC during our time. I just hope you enjoy what we're sharing.

[SpaceCanada]

Most indeed! The detail and manner in which your stories are written are superb! Great stories. Keep them coming!

[MAYTAG]

ok that is just rediculous

[Sandrat]

Yep, but it really happened. Somewhere I have the Huntsville Times edition with the story in it.

[MAYTAG]

i would love to see that if there was any you could scan it

[Spanky]

Rat....I do belive I have the team photo from that group....since I was their team leader. Remember the guy that came with him...Bones? He was a cool guy. I'll take a look and see what I have.

[Sandrat]

Yeah that guy "Bones" (not the AC counselor from 1997-1999) that came to that adult weekend was the real deal. He really had been a Naval Aviator. Classy guy - let my nephew wear his flight helmet. I do have some pictures from that weekend - I even think I have one of him.