Iron Gump

A place for ACers to come and hang out after a hard day of escape-and-evade or survival training.

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Sandrat
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Post by Sandrat »

The SGM, a Gamma Goat, and one very lucky guy....


WARNING: What you are about to read is hearsay - I have no actual knowledge of this event, but it is part of the lore of AC.

Back in the day, the staff at AC didn't exactly have the best relationship with the brownshirted security guards who man the Bush Room security post, check gates and the property in general, and who are relied upon for the overall security of the center.

Yes, there have been quite a few characters that worked in security, and some are more than likely still there. They have survived lightning bolts, angry parents, and more than their fair shares of counselor pranks. They've even struck back with a prank or two of their own - I always loved the crumpled up $100 bill that was one side only. They'd watch to see who would pick it up, pocket it, return it to the security desk, or just plain old throw it away. (I took it back to them, and they giggled as I walked from the cafeteria to the Bush Room because they were watching it).

But one fine day, shortly before my actual employment began, the Security folks had a run in with the SGM, and it wasn't pretty. The story, so much as it was told to me by those present, was that after several days of unruly trainees, hot summer days, and general malaise throughout the programs during the summer of 1995 several folks at AC felt security had it "in" for them. So as the SGM is driving a Gamma Goat (six wheeled vehicle with a cargo area built for carrying troops and other items) back from "up top," an opportunity presented itself.

Now, in another thread I talked about the SGM's driving abilities with the Gamma Goat, he could go where no one (even Doolittle) would even attempt to take the things, and he always did it at what felt like Mach 3 - except when trainees were involved.

So on this day, he is returning to AC completely empty, just him in the vehicle. Almost completely blocking the gate are one of the AC managers (whose callsign completely escapes at the present), the Security truck and the Security Manager leaning into the truck with his "fourth point of contact" hanging out in the other lane.

Well, you can imagine the grin that forms on the SGM's face as he approaches by Land Survival. Coming down that slight hill, he gives it everything he has - accelerating the Gamma Goat well past the posted speed limit of 15mph. He then coasts up to and then through the gate without stopping and waiting for the truck (and the people) to move.

The Security Manager (who really is a great guy) dove headfirst into the back of the Security truck to avoid getting hit. He and the SGM stayed steamed at eachother for years - but I've seen the SGM buy the man a cup of coffee before, and they were friendly throughout the SGM's tenure.


DISCLAIMER
Like many tales, it gets taller the more it's told. I've heard this occurred at the AC Gate and at Gate 18 (main space camp entrance). Most of the counselors from my day heard differing versions too. I wish I'd been there to confirm or deny what we were told....
"You made a fool out of young lieutenants. That's not against Army regulations."

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Post by Granite »

Spyder wrote:I heard a Mach 2 rear guard once turned around to discover that SGM had taken out his whole team, the rear guard then laid on the groud with his hands over his head in unconditional surrender, mumbling his apologies to SGM

But I always wondered, if the speenies are afraid of the AC people, and we're terrified of SGM, what does that make the Speenies in regards to SGM?
I've heard this same story, except that the surrendering party was the point man, not the rear guard. Nevertheless, its a funny story.
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Post by Safety »

Yes, my teams always handled the SGM fear like this...

If hes out there, were screwed anyway... so if anyone sees him, scream and charge like Mel Gibson in the Patriot.

Even though these efforts would be frivolous and pointless AND stupid, it was still good for morale!
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Post by Spyder »

I think as recently as last year my team decided if we happend to run across him, which we werent likely to know until it was too late we wereto either a) loudly apologize and lay on the ground with our hands behind our heads, or b) scream and lay on the ground with our heads behind our backs
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Post by Sandrat »

Snared

A short SG story

One lovely summer day in 1997, the SGM came into the office grinning that particularly evil grin that only he can do. Seems that he'd been doing some thinking about devising some way to have the trainees walking to the lake from Space Camp not divert through the woods and through the land survival area.

Now signs, or rope barriers would have been too easy. The SGM simply started by placing snares along the path. You know, the large loops of rope attached to green saplings that are designed to quickly snare the feet of unsuspecting prey and lift them up off the ground where they become defenseless? None of the traps would have been powerful enough to snare a trainee, but the kids wouldn't know that! What a perfect solution!

Well, this fine day, a group of AC trainees are in the woodline on their way up to the Firecraft area and decide that they will "patrol" like the Mach 3 trainees did and sneak through the woodline and take the Firecraft area by surprise.

Working in the land survival area that day is yours truly, assisting the SGM on one of our various projects out there - this day was rebuilding the Dakota Fire Pit. I remember it well. I'm squatting in the red clay digging out the fire pit tunnel with my hands when there is a series of blood-curdling screams from just down the hill.

The SGM glances at me quickly and we head off through the brush in search of the noise.

It seems that a Space Camp team, and a Mach II team met at the same time in the woodline, right along the path of snares. The trainees arrived, literally, at the same point in the trail at the same time to see a squirrel swinging crazily from side to side snared in one of the SGMs traps very very recently.

The squirrel is chattering and convulsing, trying to get free. The trainees are screaming. It's borderline hilarious. We arrive and the SGM calmly sends the trainees on their way. I'm fully expecting the SGM to "dispense" the squirrel.

He let it go, but with a "Don't Try This At Home" warning. The man has a heart of gold, and I'm proud to have known him and served with him. This Memorial Day weekend, take ten seconds and give thanks in your own particular way for our soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines - those who serve today, and those who paid the ultimate priced for defending and retaining our freedom.
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Post by Spyder »

I really miss the SGM, even if he did use me as his guinea pig a lock me in "The Box"
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Post by Granite »

I can't find the current T-Ops briefing Music online anywhere. What is it? I checked the stuff from "The Hunt for Red October" and none of it sounded like what they currently use.
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Post by ApolloXI »

I think he said it was something from GI Jane.
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Post by Spyder »

WE DEFINETLY BUILT AND AIR CRAFT CARRIER AT AC LAST WEEK!!! We named it the USS Jerry Gleason, CVN 87. SGM came to give us the Iterrogation Resistance lesson, and we saw him the next week, which was awesome!
Also, and I feel the need to take this up with someone, whoever was in charge my first couple years, 2003 and 2004. We were always warned to stay off the SGM's grass. I said something about it last week when we were walking around the bubble. SGM laughed (yes he laughed) and said it wasnt his grass, and he didnt really care. 8O
Whats up with that?!?!!? My entire life has been a lie!!!!

Oh an also, I just happened to be having a "I just sprained my wrist at work so I think Ill lay in bed and watch Iron Eagle" night and almost fell out of bed when I heard loud and clear, "Dis is da blue bird, I be ready for refuel"
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Post by TheDotster »

What!? We could have walked on that grass the entire time!? We were always told to never ever walk on that grass, for if we did it would be the walk of death haha.
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Post by Spyder »

yeah, SGM said he didnt care. Now Mouse would make yu get on your knees and beg the grass for forgivness and tell it that you hope yu idnt hurt it or any of its family members, but SGM definetely didnt care, thought for the sake of saying it im sure we'll still continue to yell "GET OFF SGM'S GRASS!!" just for good measure
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Post by TheDotster »

Last time I walked on the grass I got 10 push ups and I had to write a letter of apology to the grass in my book and then read it to the grass...we were told that it was ok to walk on space camp grass, just not any grass on the AC side so whenever we went up to the space side for breakfast or whatever we would walk on the grass and we got a huge kick out of it haha.
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Post by Boomerang »

Well the keep off the AC grass goes back a long ways. We were told in 96 not to walk on it because aparently they had had a hard time growing it in the first place. But on the other hand we do aircraft lectures standing on it all the time.
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Post by Spyder »

TheDotster wrote:we were told that it was ok to walk on space camp grass, just not any grass on the AC side
that might have something to do with fiscal allowance.... But yeah, my APL decided to put some gigantic beetle in my face and I stepped on some grass and mouse made me get on my hands and knees and apologize for hurting it and how I hoped I didnt harm its family. Now that I think about it I clearly remember Krispy telling us about them having a tough time keeping the grass grown, but everytime we stepped on it someone would yell "GET OFF SGM'S GRASS!" I guess it just kind of stuck?
I guess aircraft lectures are just so magical in nature that the grass is wholeheartedly unharmed because of the rapt attention it is paying the lecture at hand
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Post by Rabbit »

I just wanted to say thanks for the great stories. I haven't gotten through all of them yet, but they make me laugh. :D

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Post by ACluvR »

OMG!!! I remember you Rabbit. I went in the summer of 99 and you were there for my first Christmas Camp. :) Anyways... its just nice to see familiar names I guess.
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Post by Cornbread »

As I learned when I started working at AC... the grass is magical!!! If my Mach I's ever step on it without me stepping on it first they either

1. Have to rub the grass and tell it they are sorry for hurting it....
or
2. Kiss it to make pain go away!!

Ahhh the joys of being a counselor!
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Post by Repeat »

Cornbread, that's fricking hilarious... Does it work with the M2 age or only M1?
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Post by Cornbread »

REPEAT!!! :D No, it actually works with the Mach II's as well you just have to be more specific because they try to get around the "magical grass rules." You know Mach II's are at that nice hormonial age where they think they can out smart me by doing stuff such as pulling out the grass to rub or kiss then throwing it back on the ground or my personal favorite "Cornbreeeeaaaadddddd ( in long whiny voice) I sware I wasn't stepping on the grass I was stepping on the dirt!!"

Which is why I also have now the "magical dirt rules" where again they cannot walk on the dirt unless I do or they suffer the same conquences as from the "magical grass rules." I personally enjoy this even more because dirt is a whole lot less fun to rub or kiss...especally if its been raining and its all nice a muddy!! :P
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Post by Repeat »

magic dirt, that's hilarious! I love it...

Luckily, I only had to deal with children for an hour each this summer. I worked as a camp group tour guide at the American museum of natural history in NYC.
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