Chuck Norris

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rycho626
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Chuck Norris

Postby rycho626 » Tue Nov 08, 2005 6:56 pm

ok this may seem kinda weird, but has anyone heard of chuck norris jokes/facts? Someone taped a bunch of them all around the school and some of them are pretty funny but random. A couple examples are:

Everytime Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick an angel gets its wings.

Chuck Norris sued Burger King when they refused to put 7 gillette razors in his whopper jr. on the gorunds that it contradicted their motto "have it your way"
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Postby shenandoah04 » Thu Dec 15, 2005 1:43 am

Aaahhh there is no escape!!! Lol sorry.
Yes I have heard a few but I can't remember them... studying for finals has kind of temporarily removed them from my mind
I'm a TA @ KSU, and one of the other TAs completely absolutely LOVES Chuck Norris!...
:)
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Re: Chuck Norris

Postby SpaceCanada » Thu Dec 15, 2005 3:03 pm

rycho626 wrote:Chuck Norris sued Burger King when they refused to put 7 gillette razors in his whopper jr. on the gorunds that it contradicted their motto "have it your way"


And these are the reasons there is so much fine print on everything, because of people like this. It is absurd! Why can't people just enjoy things in life as they way they are, without challenging everything or making it more 'politically neutral'?
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Postby Who » Fri Dec 16, 2005 11:38 am

rycho626 wrote:
Chuck Norris sued Burger King when they refused to put 7 gillette razors in his whopper jr. on the gorunds that it contradicted their motto "have it your way"


And these are the reasons there is so much fine print on everything, because of people like this. It is absurd! Why can't people just enjoy things in life as they way they are, without challenging everything or making it more 'politically neutral'?


Calm down --- its a series of jokes --- Chuck hasn't sued BK for no razor blades or barbed wire on his burger. Here are some more amuzing things that people have come up with about Chuck, just because he always kicks so much behind:

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never
cried.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in
time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot,
Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting
them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine
as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red
Bull.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck
Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his
mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

The original theme song to the Transformers was
actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck
Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris
as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a
pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single
show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby
Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to
his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus'
obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence
to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after
all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood
a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck
wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE
PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat.
Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he
bellowed, "Don't *beep* with Chuck!" Two years and five
months later he realized the irony of this statement
and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile
radius of the blast went deaf.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer.
Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for
2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only
to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.
Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his
finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck
Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate
classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the *beep*
out of little kids.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one
Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it
honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five
minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and
when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully
cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife
asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse
kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck
Norris."

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does
not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather
roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no
wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo
meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before
you.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged
good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability.
Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck
roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't
stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming.
They now play poker every second Wednesday of the
month.

In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck
Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody
noticed.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in
his basement. He also has the ability to lift every
single one of them at once.

Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they
refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr.,
insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books
for children who just bought one for the hell of it.
When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll
give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks
them in the face.

Chuck Norris once went to a fraternity party, and
proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight.
He then drank three kegs and *beep* on their floor, just
because he's Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells
like you and I. His have a small black ring around
them. This signifies that they are black belts in
every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick
the *beep* out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never
gets ill.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you
can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away
from death.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas
Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck
Norris round house kicked in the face that day.
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Postby tennisrox014 » Fri Dec 16, 2005 3:59 pm

wow.
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Postby Space Nerd » Sat Dec 17, 2005 12:20 am

So far every forum i've been a part of has had a post concerning chuck norris. Each one gets scarrier. :lol: Who had some that i've never seen before though so he gets a gold star.
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Postby ApolloXI » Sat Dec 17, 2005 4:01 pm

I don't get this topic.
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Postby psych0rabbit » Fri May 12, 2006 11:59 pm

Chuck Norris walked into McDonalds to order a Whopper, and he got one.
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